Friday 18 September 2009

binged again.
wtf is wrong with me?????
starting a new plan today.. 3 days of one meal a day, then serious calorie restriction based on abc.
i must not fail.

Tuesday 15 September 2009

So yesterday I binged like crazy. Rice pudding, cake, biscuits, shortbread... I am so bloated and swollen today and just downed half a litre of diet coke to stop myself getting on the scales. I hate this :(

I had a message from a friend today that upset me. I havent been out of bed long, Ive been so tired and down and its so much easier to sleep and forget everything. This isnt a good path to be on, its a slippery slope and i need to get a grip before im well and truly depressed again. Anyway, I kinda knew this message was going to come but it still upset me, and so ive been crying pretty much since waking up.

Im fat and a mess and everything just seems to have plummetted (except my bloody weight grr). So yeah, Im feeling pretty down and a wreck today :(

Useless, pathetic, FAT.

Saturday 12 September 2009

Sometimes I hide from myself. I think if I ignore something it doesnt exist. My ED, this blog... :(

It hurts loving someone who doesnt love you back.
Truly madly deeply in love. And yet they will never want you.
This hurts me. It breaks my heart.

I eat cereal, with sugar, knowing it will never make me feel better. Seeking comfort in something that I know I will hate myself for.

Im in love and I hate it. Im obsessed with food and I hate it. Mostly, I hate me.

Monday 7 September 2009

Weight 130.5lbs.

Good as i failed to follow my plan over the weekend and ate quite a bit.

Feeling a little more positive and happier. I can feel myself sinking back down a little now that i am alone again but i must fight it.

My mouth feels bleh from the food yesterday. Ive already drunk like 2 litres of water but nothing shifts that feeling.

I havent been on the treadill today. Im hoping the weather stays dry as I plan to go walking this afternoon. Change of scenery and such. Not looking forward to it really though.. I am such a lazy bitch :(

Friday 4 September 2009

My chest hurts :(
I try to do 20mins on the treadmill everyday, cos im not big on exercise at all so something is better than nothing!!
But today after about 5mins my chest was tight and wheezing out of breath, and at one point i had to grab the sides to stop shooting off the end, catching my foot on the door owww :(
I dont get it though!! Shouldnt i get fitter the more i work out?! It seems as though im getting worse!!! :/
I pushed myself to finish the session even though most of it was spent walking (as opposed to only 80% spent walking haha..) and still managed to burn 175cals yay.

I am on day 4 of abc, and so far havent failed. I am determined to do it this time. I have to get rid of this weight and not sabotage my own progress. In every aspect of life, I am my own worst eney and the only one holding myself back.

Ive been pretty down this week, feeling miserable and sorry for myself. Useless and such. I hope this passes i am so fed up...

My weight is 130lbs, so fingers crossed i will be in the 120s tomorrow :D

Tuesday 1 September 2009

Very upset today after failing yet another driving test. I cried so hard i was almost sick and gave myself a banging headache. My weight is back up to 134.5lb and im back in my 'fat jeans'. This seems to be an endless battle. It seems i am a failure at everything lately. I burned 179cals on the treadmill. I have eaten salmon with potato waffle things. The salmon was 200 cals i think cos it had some wierd sauce all over it.. Im not sure about the potato. I could barely eat it cos I felt so ill but i was so upset i needed something inside me to calm me down. Thats all Ive had though so I hope im down a little tomo. I binged yesterday on chocolate bars and cereal. I have now banned myself from chocolate and cereal. I cant be trusted. Im gna go and dose up on fibre tablets now.. im trying to avoid laxatives as best I can, especially as I need a whole box to get any results these days :/

Friday 28 August 2009

Weheyyy Im down half a lb. Amazing as I ate so much yesterday, and the lax still havent kicked in grr. I havent been able to work out today either, but intake so far is zero. Im going over my friends later... hopefully get away with not much..

Thursday 27 August 2009

Today is hard.

I havent been able to work out cos my dad isnt at work at the moment.

I have gone over my calories.

Ive had:
a boiled egg (70)
a piece of toast (130)
a rice cake (50)
yoghurt (95)
bowl of cereal (250 at least)

Thats approx. 595 cals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrgh :(

I am so hungry today, even though I have eaten loads all I want to do is eat. And ive drunk litres and litres of water and it just isnt helping :(

I really hope I havent gained and that I dont feel like this again tomorrow its unbearable!

Ive taken some laxatives, I hope they kick in soon and get some of this shit out of my body.

NO CEREAL. NO BREAD. Wtf am I playing at?! Grr.....

Wednesday 26 August 2009

My posts are getting further and fewer between. Never a good sign eh.

BUT despite my difficulties over the past week, I am back on the wagon. However far I fall, I ALWAYS climb back on.

So yesterday I had 500 cals and today Ive had 300 cals + burned 178 on the treadmill.

I am sooooooo hungry tonight though, which is no fun :( lol. But I have to just think how good I will feel when the scales read less tomorrow!!!

Today I am 133lbs (yet again... never again!!!!!!!!!)

How are all you girls doing?

Monday 17 August 2009

Aargh I have done so much exercise this weekend and I am 131.5lbs !!!! grrrrrrrrrrrr. Why cant I lose this weight?!!!! Im starting abc again today. So far ive had 400 cals.

Friday 14 August 2009

Today is going good. Intake: a few grapes. I didnt think I would get to work out cos my dad is home but he went out to the shop and I managed to fit in 20mins on the treadmill burning 180 cals :) Also, I am happy today because my jeans fit (they dont fit everyday lol, and havent for a long time now...) Im a little worried about chinese food later, but I will try to be strong!!!!!!

Thursday 13 August 2009

Oh my goodness, you are all so supportive, it means so much to me!!!! I love you girls :)

Well day one went pretty good, I had half an apple + half an apple, but then at dinner time my mam made me eat so I had prawns (which I thought were kind of white lol) and the lowest cal thing we had. Also I burnt 179cals on the treadmill.

Today was yellow day and didnt go so well. I went out first thing this morning with friends and didnt eat anything until about 6pm when they bought chips and made me eat cos I hadnt eaten all day. But I had only a few, it was barely half a plate, and chips are kind of yellow (haha oh goodness). Then when I got back I had a banana about 8pm... Sooo I hope I havent gained because of that :/ Also I havent managed to work out today cos Ive been out all day but I have been kinda active...

Tomorrow Im having a day off the diet because Im going to a sleepover and we are having chinese food (aargh) so I will work out in the day tomorrow, and not eat anything until Im at my friends, then only eat a little and as low cal as possible. Then back on the rainbow wagon saturday.

I just found out my best friend might not be able to make my party :'( Im absolutely gutted. It wont be the same if she isnt there :(

Tuesday 11 August 2009

Rainbow

I am having a party for my birthday and I am so excited... This means I most definitely need to lose weight by then. I want to be 120lbs at least.

I am going to try the Rainbow Diet (Everyday is a different colour, google it xx)

So tomorrow is my first day and its WHITE:
Breakfast: 1/2 apple
Lunch: 1/2 apple
Dinner: 1 cucumber

This is going to be so hard, I have been eating like a pig lately but now is the time to scream STOP!

I want to be the thinnest at my party. I want to be the thinnest. Full stop.

If anyone wants to join me I am starting tomorrow, and Im not doing the fast day so this is a 6 day plan instead of 7.

Support would be appreciated sooooooooooooo much. I am so off track lately :(

Thursday 6 August 2009

Im Back

Oh my goodness, I honestly thought I had lost my blog then, but turns out I was logging in with the wrong email haha...

So I went on holidays for a week, and ate like a pig. Three meals a day: cooked breakfasts, bacon rolls, burgers, chips, pizzas, ice cream etc etc. I come home and weigh and I am 133 lbs. Seriously, WTF????! Of course I am over the moon, but... HOW? It doesnt make sense! How can I eat loads and not gain, but when I do all I can to lose it always goes terribly wrong and I end up bigger than before?! :/

Anyway, since Ive been home I havent been calorie counting, just trying to eat little, never finishing anything. I am 131.5lbs today. But I feel loads bigger :( I think I need to start counting again...

Im thinking a lot today.

1. About uni and living arrangements. I planned to live at home this year because I had such a shit time last year, but now Im thinking Im gna be really out of the loop when it comes to night life etc because I will be coming home everyday. But if I couldnt live on my own last year, I dont want the same thing to happen again this year :/

2. I turn 21 this year, and still have no plans. I want to do something because Im only gna have one 21st birthday, but what could I do?

Saturday 18 July 2009

failed another driving test
failed
failure
thats me
drunk way too much
drown sorrows pahhh like i could
fuckin failure
fucking waste of space
thats me

Thursday 16 July 2009

I appear to have come to a stand still. My weight is balancing at 132lbs.. Feeling as though it could just tip over and become 140 overnight or something devastating like that :/ I dont feel in control at all. I am eating too much and yet I feel as though I am not eating at all. I go on holidays in a week. Im too fat. What am I gna do? :(

Sunday 12 July 2009

I havent weighed today, but yesterday my intake was 100 and today my intake has been 405.
I will weigh tomorrow and hope I will have lost a little (or a lot!!! lol)
Ive done most of my holiday shopping, less than two weeks to go now!! But I do seem to have suddenly ended up with more clothes than I could ever need... haha :/
It will be the first time I have ever worn a bikini. Woah. So I very much need to lose lose lose!!!
I start driving lessons again tomorrow, I am kinda nervous. I can drive, but make stupid mistakes sometimes cos I am so worried about getting everything right. I need to pass my test this has been dragging on way too long.
Im off out tonight, the weather is too nice to be stuck in. Just diet coke for me and then by the time I get home it will be gone midnight so no food til tomorrow :)

How is everyone doing? Sorry I have been so off track lately :(

Saturday 11 July 2009

9 Stone 9 lbs (135lbs)
Wouldnt it be so much easier not to regain the weight I lose?? :(
Oh, and I know I wasnt going to weigh but... Well :/

Wednesday 8 July 2009

binge binge fucking binge fucking failure fat fat getting fatter and fatter whoever said i was their inspiration better find another one i am a disgusting pig and i hate that i have lost control

11th July : 100 calories
12th July : 400 calories
13th July : 300 calories
14th July : 200 calories
15th July : 300 calories
16th July : 400 calories
17th July : 200 calories
18th July : 150 calories
19th July : 200 calories
20th July : 500 calories
21st July : 350 calories
22nd July : 250 calories

Three Day Binge

Food Hangover.
No More.
Never.
Fuck.
I feel sick sick sick.
Disgusting.
Bread Hangover. Worst ever.

Tuesday 7 July 2009

So, In response to Sundays binge, I, of course, binged all of Monday too. Grrrrrrrrr :(
Today I havent eaten anything so far.
I dont really have a plan anymore, other than DONT FUCKING EAT. Pretty simple huh.
500 cals limit on everyday, maximum.
And no weighing, for like a week. I cant bear to see the big numbers.

Sunday 5 July 2009

Feeling really really fucking SICK. Love to eat about 2 months worth of calories in one day do I???????????? And FUCK UP ALL MY HARD WORK. WHATS THE FUCKING POINT????!!!!!!I feel so so so ill in pain and fat and sick sick fucking sick and whats the bet tomorrow I will have gained like 4lb at least from the fucking shit in my system today FAT FUCKING FAILURE. always a bloody no good failure thats me.

Saturday 4 July 2009

Party last night was amaaaaazing :D Very Good Times.

I drank maybe too much (haha way too much) but I wasnt ill or anything and could still walk by the end of the evening so its all good. And cos I was drinking I had to eat otherwise I would be ill, and I ate quite a bit and when I went to weigh this morning I was sure I would have gained from the food and alcohol... BUT Im actually down half a lb haha so now I am 129 lbs hooray :)

Surprised and pleased. But scared to eat anything in case I gain.. So no food today. Or maybe like an apple or something later if I need.

Points for yesterday: -2
Points for today: 18

Thursday 2 July 2009

129.5 lbs

So, out of the 130s JUST hahaaaa... Lets keep it that way.

Im really bummed though cos I dont look any slimmer grr... And I chucked my jeans on to walk to the shop (cos I tend to just wear my pjs in the house lol) and I looked really chubby :( And I know its just cos Im bloated cos Ive had like a litre of water and 2 litres of diet coke so far today (and zero food!) so that must be why I look so big???!

I have a party tomorrow that Im really looking forward to, I plan to avoid any food there, but alcohol will be my downfall. BUT I havent drunk for ages and if I have no food in my body I guess I'll get drunk from like, hardly anything. And then try avoid food all Saturday then too.

Points: 8

Wednesday 1 July 2009


Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. At least it isnt just me!!! Hope everyone is okay today?

It has been so hot today. I went for a walk with the guy I used to like, and got very sunburnt and it hurts ouch... Also, blisters again!! I really need to get some proper shoes... Lol.

He has a new girlfriend in uni, that he mumbled during our conversation last night, as though he didnt want me to know. Quite funny really... I dont mind, I dont like him anymore, but I know he still likes me lol... Anyway we were talking about weight and stuff cos hes trying to be healthy over summer, and he guessed that I was between 11 and 12 stone FUCKING HELL DO I LOOK THAT BIG?!!! Im 9 stone 4.5 lbs for goodness sake!!!!!!!!!!!

Im a little lonely tonight. I invited like 7 people over, and none of them can make it. And their reasoning is that they are having a night in.. WTF ??! Have a night in with meeeeee. Meh :/ Im watching old films and doing a jigsaw puzzle. I feel like a granny.

Points Today: 24


Please Read

I hate it when other people lose weight. Not you girls obviously, we are all in this together. But other people I know.. Maybe its an attention thing, although I hate to admit that. The same people who used to tell me how thin I was getting, and who worried about me, now comment on how thin other people are, and worry about them instead. I havent been told I have lost weight in so long and I miss it. I have let myself slip and suddenly some people I know have caught up with me and its like, wait, no, this is wrong. I need to be thinner. I need the attention. Im not the best at anything. Nothing. I was good at losing weight, it was something I could do before I fucked up, like I fuck everything else up. I want to be the thinnest. Is this wrong? :(

Tuesday 30 June 2009

Today I Am

131.5 lbs again, Hooray. This time maybe I wont regain a little. Im aiming for 131 lbs tomorrow... Maybe 130.5 ???? Haha Lets hope so.

Intake so far today: 113 cals.

Im feeling a little lonely. My parents are away and dont really have a signal so cant talk to them... I saw some friends for a few hours earlier.. I wish I could drive, Im a little stranded here.

I have spent the last 2 hours in the bath passing the time... Oh also I burnt 180 cals on the treadmill. the sweat was literally DRIPPING from me. Felt lushhhhh lol.

This guy I used to like is home from uni. He rang me when I was in the bath and said he was coming over so im kinda just sat waiting for him to come over and hoping it wont be really strange and awkward with just the 2 of us :/

Points For Today: 9

Points For Today

18.

So this week I am doing:
Monday 500
Tuesday 400
Wednesday 300
Thursday 200
Friday 100

Thats the plan anyways.

Monday 29 June 2009

I gained half a lb since yesterday. I am now back up to 132.5lbs. Bad times :( BUT I will lose it. My goal is 128 by Sunday.. Maybe a little ambitious? We'll see I guess...

Thanks to those who commented on my post last night. It means so much that I have support on here.

I am feeling very down today.
Every week the same. Come home and tears. Good or bad, always end in tears for me. Cry to sleep no matter. It hurts so much. It was more bad than good tonight. Gets me down. Really down :'(

And there is nothing and no one to comfort me.

I ate a tin of custard. It is no good.

I am all alone. Meh always really.

Friday 26 June 2009

131.5 lbs

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!
Haha... Very Happy I Am Down A Pound :)

I was so hungry again yesterday. I kept snacking on Ryvita and made myself sick on Diet Coke blehh.. And I was craving sweet stuff sooooooooo bad, but resisted, and very glad I did :D

Now I need to keep this weight going down. I am so afraid that I will regain over the weekend. It often happens :/ I think what the hell Im so hungry, and hey, its Friday/Saturday/Sunday so it doesnt count - But EVERY DAY COUNTS. I need to lose. I feel so good to be this light again :) Mustnt Fuck Up.

Points For Yesterday: 11

Thursday 25 June 2009

I am still 132.5 lbs. Which is GOOD, I did not gain. Hoorayyyy :) And I was so worried I would.

But, I need to lose. I burned off 181 cals on the treadmill. I am pleased with myself because I really really really didnt want to, I hate exercise :( But I forced myself. And now I feel much better for it. I have to remember this feeling. The feeling of goodness after working out. Fitness. Achievement. AND I need to keep in mind that this will make me thin. I wont get thin sitting on my ass all day.

Points For Yesterday: -2 (I went over my limit)

Wednesday 24 June 2009

I dont know how many cals I have had today. TOO MANY. I havent binged or anything which is good BUT I have eaten too much. Way more that 200 cals like I planned.

I have eaten:
a banana
a bowl of muesli
a piece of toast
and a slice of ham.

600 cals maybe.. or am I being too optimistic?! Oh what the hell does it even matter?! ITS TOO MUCH. I hope Im not over 133 tomorrow, I cant ever let myself go over that again :(

I Am So Hungry Today :/

Its 5.30pm and Ive had a banana today, and some jam :/
I plan to have a bowl of porridge later, only 98cals. Made with water of course.
I have had loads of diet coke too because we dont have water right now.
I feel huge. I shouldnt feel this big and heavy after eating so little :(
But it feels like I have eaten loads, like I am out of control. WTF?!
Must stop a binge coming on.

-0.5 lb

Since Yesterday.

This weight is coming off s l o w l y . . . I really need to exercise more, I would lose more then I know it.

My goal weight for Sunday is 132lbs, and at the moment I am 132.5lbs, so lets see if I cant reach 130... Come Onnnnnnnn!

Tuesday 23 June 2009

Tuesday.

Intake: 300/300

HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYY. Haha :(

Weight Loss Competition
Exercise: 3
Water: 8
Other: 2
TOTAL: 13 points

I hope hope hope I am below 133 tomorrow... Pleeeeeeeeease Ana.

133 lbs

Thats 9 and 1/2 Stone :)

Haha, how many times have I been here over the past 6 months. This time the numbers keep going down, they MUST. I never want to see anything above 9st 7lb ever again.

Im off to town for a few hours now.. When I finally get dressed !! xXx

Monday 22 June 2009

Today

Intake: 400/400

Weight Loss Competition
Water: 8
Other: 2
TOTAL: 10 points


Im thinking I may go to town tomorrow on the train. Walk to the train station and back, thats about half hour exercise. Then go for a run in the evening I think. Or maybe I will go to town Wednesday. Im not sure.. One day this week.


Mehh.

Well, I came second in the weight loss competition this week :) Very happy about that!!
Today I am 134lbs.
I feel up and down, sad and not sad, just.. meh really.
I need cheering up really.
I cant stop thinking, I am my own worst enemy.
I dont know whether I am more upset about giving it away, or because they will never know how much it meant to me. Or how much I love them. And how it will always hurt that they dont feel the same. And how I dont think I will ever get over them.

I feel embarrassed. However good I am at anything, I will never be good enough.

And there is no food that can comfort me.
So why eat.

Saturday 20 June 2009

Points From Yesterday

-2. How bad is that? :(
So, total so far this week: 38.
Not so great.

Yesterday I fucked up bad. My weight today is 135lbs, I gained 1.5lbs. Could be worse. Im determined to be 134lbs tomorrow. That will be over my weekly goal :)

Next week I need to up the anti... Exercise more. Bad times.

Tomorrow I have to have a meal with my family for Fathers Day, dont know what yet. Will just have to eat little as I can.. Then Monday back on ABC.. 400 cos I fucked that up yesterday, and this weekend is going to be a jumble.. So Monday 400, Tuesday 100, Wednesday 200, Thursday 300, Friday 400. And exercise EVERYDAY.

Lets see if we cant get to 130lbs by next week. 129 maybe ;)

Friday 19 June 2009

I Fucked Up

SO MAD AT MYSELF GNA BE FUCKING FAT FOREVER HATE HATE HATE THIS WHAT A WASTE WHY BOTHER WORKING HARD WHEN I GO AND FUCK UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
Im 133.5lbs today. Need to shift this half a pound by tomo.. Allowed 400cals today. Im in a bad mood, getting really angry over stupid things :/ I need to work out. Meh :(

Thursday 18 June 2009

Im Feeling A Little Better I Guess

Only had my 300 cals today hooray. Still feeling down and fed up though. Supposed to be going out tomorrow but told everyone I cant go. I said I was skint, which I am, but also I dont really want to spoil things by drinking and tbh, Im not that much fun in this mood :/ WTF is wrong with me?! Getting my period maybe...?

Weight: 134lbs

ABC - Day 3 (Take 2 lol)
Intake: 300/300

Weight Loss Competition
Water: 8
Other: 2
TOTAL: 10 points

I Dont Feel Myself Today :/

Thanks for the support from everyone yesterday, it means so much to me :)

This morning I weighed and I am still 134lbs, which means I havent lost, but also I havent gained so that is very good !!

So, yesterday is gone and today is a new day, 300cals. So far: water.

Unfortunately I havent done any exercise :( My feet are really sore today and it hurts even to walk which sucks big time grr. Im feeling really depressed today, not myself. I dont know why. I burst into tears because I couldnt find a cup. Serious.


Wednesday 17 June 2009

I Dont Know :/

I went over my cal intake today. I dont even know by how much. So, I will attempt ABC Day 3- 300cals, again tomorrow. I really hope I havent gained, I havent eaten loads like a binge or anything but, aargh I dont know :(

Weight Loss Competition
Over Intake: -10
Exercise: 1
Water: 8
Other: 2
TOTAL: 1 .. Sorry orange team :(

Oh No

Arrgh, 25ocals Doughnut. WTF?! Grrr.. Im still allowed 50cals today but Im betting I go over :/ I may have to reattempt Day 3 ABC tomorrow...

-2 Since Yesterday

So Today I Am 134lbs !!!

Wow I cant believe it, I am very happy. I dont look any smaller tho.. In fact before weighing this morning I thought I may have gained cos I looked all chunky :/ But the scales say different :D

I burnt 178 cals on the treadmill, not for lack of procrastinating though!!! I did not want to exercise today, my feet are still sore and I am already bored with exercise... BUT it seems to be working so I HAVE to keep this up!!!!!

My intake allowance today is 300 cals. So far: Water :)

Tuesday 16 June 2009

DAY 2

Weight: 136lbs

ABC
Intake: 500/500

Weight Loss Competition
Exercise: 7
Water: 8
TOTAL: 15 points

Blisters On My Feet :(

It really shows how little I exercise... I walked to town and back today, and now I can barely stand, my feet are so soreeee! It normally takes me about 45mins each way but it took me over an hour and a half in total today, but that is because of the heat, it is so hot today!!! I could hardly manage the walk back, it took me forever and I was boiling hot and hurting feet. Owwww.

But hey, Its all cals burned!! And I burned 179 on the treadmill before my walk too :)

AND my weight today is 136lbs again, so my binge weight has gone hooray!

I am allowed 500cals again today. Intake so far: banana 70cals (and lots of water!)

Monday 15 June 2009

DAY 1

Weight: 139lbs

ABC
Intake: 500/500

Weight Loss Competition
Exercise: 3
Water: 8
Other: 3
TOTAL: 14 points



So, my first day of ABC and the weight loss competition has gone pretty well. I did 20mins on the treadmill, and went for a half hour run outside, which is more exercise than i would normally do in a week (I havent always been this lazy of course). Tomorrow I plan to walk to town and back, about an hour both ways, maybe a little less. And maybe treadmill again OR another run (or both haha but I think that is a little optimistic..). I have eaten an apple, ryvita x2, and a prawn salad with a little bit of couscous and sweetcorn. Still too much, but within my calorie limit today, and my intake is going down down down. I hope I have lost a little by tomorrow, and my tummy goes down a bit. It is still so swollen for this weekend. I look pregnant, its not good.

Run Run Run

I really need to get the hang of this blog thing, I just managed to delete a whole post before clicking publish and no idea how?!!!!!

Just burned 175cals on the treadmill in 20mins. Feeling nice and fit.. haha. Unfortunately, not looking very fit. I can feel my weight gain.. My clothes are tight >:(

Day 1 - ABC - 500cals. Intake so far: Water. Trying to kick this hangover out of my head. Boom boom boom. Bad times. I dont drink often.

Going for a run later (Yes, in public!). Need to burn this fat. BURN BURN BURN.

Meh

Waking up with a hangover and 3lb gain. How depressing.

And So Day 1 Has Begun...

Im dreading weighing in the morning. I have eaten so so sooooooooooooooooooooo much this weekend and not sure how it happened. Ive been drinking too... liquid cals what a waste. A good night though. Dreading weighing tomorrow :(

Saturday 13 June 2009

I Feel... Sad :(

I cant wait to start ABC Monday and start shifting this weight.

I went out with some friends last night. It was good but not good also. I came home feeling really sad and cried all night.

I hate being me. I want to be someone who does not love and who does not feel. It hurts too much.

I have ordered Nikki Grahemes autobiography, all about her struggle with anorexia. Hopefully it will be some thinspiration/motivation for me during the next few weeks.

Thursday 11 June 2009

-1

Remember I said that yesterday I ate so badly and so much and will have gained weight? Well, today I am 135lbs... WTF?! Not that Im complaining but man, my body is screwed up. I can binge and lose, yet starve and gain. I can't predict my body anymore, this is a little scary, but in todays case very good :)

Wednesday 10 June 2009

I Forgot..

I should probably give you guys some stats. I am 5'7 and this morning I was 136lbs (although I will be much more than that now, I have eaten a lot today.. grr)

Ana Boot Camp

My name is Angel and I will be using this site to track my progress on ABC. I am going on holiday in less than 50 days, and so wont be able to complete the whole plan, but I want to follow it as best I can until then. Also, Its 25 days until I go holiday shopping, which is the half-way point, and I want to have lost a fair amount by then.

I have followed this diet before, although it became too difficult after about 30 days and I never managed to complete it. I have attempted it since but have never gotten past the first week. But I need to do this, and I know I can. I have done it before, I can do it again.

Also, I need to start exercising more. I am so damn lazy these days :(

Anyway, I will be starting on Monday with 500cals, so wish me luck and I invite you to follow me on my journey. I would be very grateful for support, and please no haters - this is my choice. (If you can call 6yrs of eating problems a choice that is!)

Comment me, I'd like to make some new friends xXx