Saturday, 18 July 2009

failed another driving test
thats me
drunk way too much
drown sorrows pahhh like i could
fuckin failure
fucking waste of space
thats me

Thursday, 16 July 2009

I appear to have come to a stand still. My weight is balancing at 132lbs.. Feeling as though it could just tip over and become 140 overnight or something devastating like that :/ I dont feel in control at all. I am eating too much and yet I feel as though I am not eating at all. I go on holidays in a week. Im too fat. What am I gna do? :(

Sunday, 12 July 2009

I havent weighed today, but yesterday my intake was 100 and today my intake has been 405.
I will weigh tomorrow and hope I will have lost a little (or a lot!!! lol)
Ive done most of my holiday shopping, less than two weeks to go now!! But I do seem to have suddenly ended up with more clothes than I could ever need... haha :/
It will be the first time I have ever worn a bikini. Woah. So I very much need to lose lose lose!!!
I start driving lessons again tomorrow, I am kinda nervous. I can drive, but make stupid mistakes sometimes cos I am so worried about getting everything right. I need to pass my test this has been dragging on way too long.
Im off out tonight, the weather is too nice to be stuck in. Just diet coke for me and then by the time I get home it will be gone midnight so no food til tomorrow :)

How is everyone doing? Sorry I have been so off track lately :(

Saturday, 11 July 2009

9 Stone 9 lbs (135lbs)
Wouldnt it be so much easier not to regain the weight I lose?? :(
Oh, and I know I wasnt going to weigh but... Well :/

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

binge binge fucking binge fucking failure fat fat getting fatter and fatter whoever said i was their inspiration better find another one i am a disgusting pig and i hate that i have lost control

11th July : 100 calories
12th July : 400 calories
13th July : 300 calories
14th July : 200 calories
15th July : 300 calories
16th July : 400 calories
17th July : 200 calories
18th July : 150 calories
19th July : 200 calories
20th July : 500 calories
21st July : 350 calories
22nd July : 250 calories

Three Day Binge

Food Hangover.
No More.
I feel sick sick sick.
Bread Hangover. Worst ever.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

So, In response to Sundays binge, I, of course, binged all of Monday too. Grrrrrrrrr :(
Today I havent eaten anything so far.
I dont really have a plan anymore, other than DONT FUCKING EAT. Pretty simple huh.
500 cals limit on everyday, maximum.
And no weighing, for like a week. I cant bear to see the big numbers.

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Feeling really really fucking SICK. Love to eat about 2 months worth of calories in one day do I???????????? And FUCK UP ALL MY HARD WORK. WHATS THE FUCKING POINT????!!!!!!I feel so so so ill in pain and fat and sick sick fucking sick and whats the bet tomorrow I will have gained like 4lb at least from the fucking shit in my system today FAT FUCKING FAILURE. always a bloody no good failure thats me.

Saturday, 4 July 2009

Party last night was amaaaaazing :D Very Good Times.

I drank maybe too much (haha way too much) but I wasnt ill or anything and could still walk by the end of the evening so its all good. And cos I was drinking I had to eat otherwise I would be ill, and I ate quite a bit and when I went to weigh this morning I was sure I would have gained from the food and alcohol... BUT Im actually down half a lb haha so now I am 129 lbs hooray :)

Surprised and pleased. But scared to eat anything in case I gain.. So no food today. Or maybe like an apple or something later if I need.

Points for yesterday: -2
Points for today: 18

Thursday, 2 July 2009

129.5 lbs

So, out of the 130s JUST hahaaaa... Lets keep it that way.

Im really bummed though cos I dont look any slimmer grr... And I chucked my jeans on to walk to the shop (cos I tend to just wear my pjs in the house lol) and I looked really chubby :( And I know its just cos Im bloated cos Ive had like a litre of water and 2 litres of diet coke so far today (and zero food!) so that must be why I look so big???!

I have a party tomorrow that Im really looking forward to, I plan to avoid any food there, but alcohol will be my downfall. BUT I havent drunk for ages and if I have no food in my body I guess I'll get drunk from like, hardly anything. And then try avoid food all Saturday then too.

Points: 8

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. At least it isnt just me!!! Hope everyone is okay today?

It has been so hot today. I went for a walk with the guy I used to like, and got very sunburnt and it hurts ouch... Also, blisters again!! I really need to get some proper shoes... Lol.

He has a new girlfriend in uni, that he mumbled during our conversation last night, as though he didnt want me to know. Quite funny really... I dont mind, I dont like him anymore, but I know he still likes me lol... Anyway we were talking about weight and stuff cos hes trying to be healthy over summer, and he guessed that I was between 11 and 12 stone FUCKING HELL DO I LOOK THAT BIG?!!! Im 9 stone 4.5 lbs for goodness sake!!!!!!!!!!!

Im a little lonely tonight. I invited like 7 people over, and none of them can make it. And their reasoning is that they are having a night in.. WTF ??! Have a night in with meeeeee. Meh :/ Im watching old films and doing a jigsaw puzzle. I feel like a granny.

Points Today: 24

Please Read

I hate it when other people lose weight. Not you girls obviously, we are all in this together. But other people I know.. Maybe its an attention thing, although I hate to admit that. The same people who used to tell me how thin I was getting, and who worried about me, now comment on how thin other people are, and worry about them instead. I havent been told I have lost weight in so long and I miss it. I have let myself slip and suddenly some people I know have caught up with me and its like, wait, no, this is wrong. I need to be thinner. I need the attention. Im not the best at anything. Nothing. I was good at losing weight, it was something I could do before I fucked up, like I fuck everything else up. I want to be the thinnest. Is this wrong? :(